You can teach an old dog new tricks!

Right now, as you read this, you are ageing. It’s a gradual, continuous process of natural change that begins pretty much as soon as we can remember. It is true that we’re not getting any younger……..but we can get better! So if you’ve been putting off that change of career or you’ve been putting off that online course you were looking at because you think you’re too old to learn something new, think again.

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” – don’t believe a word of it, and neuroscience confirms this.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, the flexible nature of your brain means that it continues to change for the better, as long as you continue learning. That means you can learn that musical instrument, or take up yoga, or change career if that is what you really want to do! You have a choice.

To draw a parallel with our physical fitness, we have all become more aware of the benefits of being physically active. When I was a child, the 50-60 year old people that I knew certainly didn’t look like my peers do today! We know that although we may not be able to run long distances like we could in our 20s, or train as intensively in the gym or play competitive sport like we used to, we can maintain a level of fitness and flexibility through “midlife” and well into old age.

Learn. Grow. Evolve.

The same is true of our mental fitness. Your brain has a flexibility to it, this “neuroplasticity” allows it to change and develop through growth and reorganisation. What this means for you is that, far from shrivelling up and withering away as we get older, your brain thrives on new information and craves new activities and skills to continue its steady and sustained development.

So here’s where the neuroscience comes in. The way your brain grows and develops is by creating new neural connections, this happens when we engage in something new. These new connections become stronger over time because we develop a coating (Myelin) around them, protecting them and allowing for swift and efficient transmission of signals. The more we use these connections, the thicker and stronger this Myelin becomes, and as a result the quicker and easier we can perform the related task or activity. This process is called Myelination, and research tells us that myelination continues as we get older so there is no excuse for not doing that thing that you always wanted to do………but told yourself you couldn’t!

In 2020 we have all been forced to fit in with a completely new environment, we’ve learnt new skills, adapted to working from home, home schooled our kids, changed from face to face meetings and communication to online video connections. We have developed in ways that we wouldn’t have dreamed of this time last year.

My Mum has just turned 79 (and she won’t be overjoyed with me publicly stating that…..sorry Mum!). As with many others during lockdown, she had to face the prospect of self-isolation on her own in her flat, and for someone who is normally active and working as a craniosacral therapist, that wasn’t easy. Her response was to take up painting. Never picked up a brush before, she now has a portfolio of work hung in “galleries” including her home, grandchildren’s bedrooms and friends’ living rooms. Not to mention numerous requests for commissions from Facebook viewers responding to her paintings appearing online! Apart from me being very proud of her, it highlights the reality that we truly can continue to learn throughout our life and into old age, the only thing we need is the desire to do so.

Mum’s ballerina

With modern technology we now have the tools to watch a brain change, and neuroscientific research shows us that significant structural development occurs in adults who are learning. We all have a huge and continuing capacity for learning, for growing, for evolving.

Now you know what you know, what is it that you told yourself you couldn’t do before, that you now know you can?

** Are you are interested in my 1:1 coaching or group coaching?

**Can coaching benefit your leaders and your teams?

If you want to speak to me about my coaching, about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through:

email: dan@danpiler.com

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Ease your anxiety and relax your mind

It’s free!

Here in the UK there has been a sense of “lockdown fatigue” over the last week or so. The resilience, generosity and positivity that has been so evident since we were first advised to “Stay home, Stay safe” is slowly starting to make way for frustration, impatience and division. The light at the end of the tunnel has grown dim for many and the worry for our future is once again highlighted.

With it being Mental Health Awareness Week and a theme of kindness, I want to give something to you all that will be of benefit whether you are feeling on top of the world or down in the dumps. A gift

Time to take a step back, breathe and focus in on YOU.

This challenging period has been the catalyst and inspiration for millions of people all over the world to change. Change their thinking, change their feelings, their behaviour………their priorities.

Many of us are more open now than ever before to exploring how we can do things differently to before…….with that in mind I am offering a couple of simple free resources that are designed to help ease any anxieties that you may be feeling, to relax your mind and access the powerful depths of your unconscious mind. When you tune in to your mind you can learn so much about yourself and what works for you……and you’ll be amazed what you can achieve!

These recordings are free and yours to keep. No emails. No sign ups. No strings attached.

From me, to you.

Download and listen for your continued personal use. Let me know when you’ve had the chance to enjoy them.

Two free recordings for you - a guided hypnosis and a short guided mindfulness.

Make sure you click on the word “download” on the right hand side of the box below to save your own copy to your device.

Listen. Relax. Enjoy

Dan

** Are you are interested in my 1:1 coaching or group coaching?

**Can coaching benefit your leaders and your teams?

If you want to speak to me about my coaching, about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through:

email: dan@danpiler.com

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How to resolve your internal conflict

The two wolves within us

A wise old man, the elder of the village, is holding court. “There are two wolves within me. One good and one evil………..and they are always fighting” he says.

One wolf is filled with anger, regret, hurt, ego, greed, jealousy, arrogance and fear……..and the other is filled with love, hope, joy, empathy, courage, gratitude, truth, confidence and humility.

“…..and you know what?” says the man, “you have the same battle going on inside you, we all have this battle going on inside us”

“So……” one of his young listeners asks, “which wolf wins?”

“The one you feed the most”, replies the old man.

“………you have the same battle going on inside you”

This is a wonderful old story that has been retold many times, in many different forms, and it’s about our own internal conflict. While the detail may differ, there is a valuable lesson for us all.

……….but that’s not how the story ends in my mind!

It’s not difficult to understand that we all have these negative emotions within us, and there are times when they seem to be controlling us. If we “feed” them, we bring them to life and they will be expressed in our negative behaviour. Alternatively, if we “feed” our good wolf we then show up with these positive characteristics.

Interestingly, especially at a young age, external influences can feed the wolves within us as well. Parents, teachers, bosses can all play a part in developing our wolves.

Now, there is an extra twist to the story with a different ending, and one which resonates with me.

“Which wolf wins?” asks the young listener.

“If you feed them right, they both win” replies the wise old man.

Balance

And here’s the point, even the evil wolf needs feeding. If you only feed the good wolf the evil one will be lurking, forever waiting for the opportunity to exploit a moment of weakness and jump in, thus creating internal conflict.

Even though we consider emotions such as anger, fear and arrogance as negative, it’s important to acknowledge (feed) them when we do feel them. We are human beings and we are hard wired to experience negative emotions……..our job is to ensure we are feeling them when it’s appropriate, there are times when it’s extremely resourceful to feel anger or fear. So, we tune in to what we are feeling, what message we are sending to ourselves, and address it.

Even the evil wolf has attributes that can be useful to us, strength, assertiveness, focus, desire. Sometimes we want to be able to call on these qualities and if we find the balance within us where we can utilise the best of both wolves, we go a long way to resolving our internal conflict.

When we find this balance we function more efficiently and effectively, and like any good team we enjoy the strengths of our different forces…….and more importantly, with this balance we find a valuable peace within ourselves.

Listen to both of the wolves within you!

** Are you are interested in my 1:1 coaching or group coaching?

**Can coaching benefit your leaders and your teams?

If you want to speak to me about my coaching, about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through:

email: dan@danpiler.com

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Leading through stressful times

Stress and Leadership

Whether it’s Brexit, climate change or just bringing up your kids there seems to be a constant flow of reminders of the increasingly stressful times we live in. Are we really ALL stressed?!

Coping with stress?

For many of us some level of stress can be positive and stimulate high performance, however for the majority, the general understanding and awareness is a negative one.

In fact, according to the World Health Organisation, stress is an epidemic. The world is arguably less stable, more unpredictable and the pace of change is ever-increasing and the resulting stress has a cost - physically, emotionally and financially.

What role can our leaders play, whether in business, the public eye or in day to day life? They have an opportunity to make a significant impact on those that look up to them or report to them therefore it’s useful to look at how stress affects them, how they manage it and the effect that has on their teams. Leaders can themselves be a major cause of stress…………or they can be a solution!

(for “leaders”, you can substitute “parents if you wish”!)

When you are struggling mentally, emotionally or physically, how difficult is it to put that aside and effectively drive your team forward productively?

Wellbeing is increasingly seen as a core business skill which allows you to reach and sustain optimal performance, and it is even more important for leadership and your ability to navigate your team through stressful times. Someone who can manage their own wellbeing and stimulate others to do the same is a true leader.

What makes an effective leader?

This comes from an ability to communicate, to actively listen to people (that includes listening to themselves) and be inclusive, to nurture relationships. This doesn’t come naturally to everyone. The strength of an organization lies in its values and its culture, and the relationships of its people, the human to human connections, shapes this culture

The approach of leaders to their team, and the impact of this approach on their reports is a vital factor in determining office morale, and ultimately the effectiveness and productivity of the organization overall. Research shows us that the higher employee engagement and satisfaction is, the more productive those employees are.

How do you know if you are a good leader? Are you qualified to lead others because you have excelled in your current role?

Many organisations struggle because they promote individuals who are performing well but then have to “learn on the job” to succeed in influencing others and getting the best out of their teams.

Key competencies and skills are important in performing any role within an organization, but getting the best out of your staff relies on a human element, the ability to communicate effectively and create a rapport with your team that is positive for the individuals and productive for the business.

“Effective leadership is about inspiring more than instructing”

~ Dan Piler ~

This is where a Coach can be invaluable to both Leader and organization by guiding, challenging and supporting people through the difficult transition from successful team member to successful team leader and developing resilience in stressful times that resonates through their team and their company.

Developing strategic and future focused behaviours is essential for a leader in any industry. However, particularly as we consider the increasing awareness of stress and it’s impact on the population, it’s essential to balance this with behaviours more focused on your team members and their wellbeing. Your colleagues are more likely to feel motivated and committed if they feel supported, valued and are contributing to developing success.

Effective leadership is not so much about developing your own skills and being effective yourself, it’s about creating an environment where you motivate and inspire individuals to take responsibility and use initiative, empowering those around you to develop and fulfil their potential. It’s about creating a team of leaders all around you.

** Are you are interested in my 1:1 coaching or group coaching?

**Can coaching benefit your leaders and your teams?

If you want to speak to me about my coaching, about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through:

email: dan@danpiler.com

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Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it can be the key to happiness and success for you!

What are you afraid of?

Fear can creep into our lives in many different ways, any of which can be, at best frustrating and restrictive, and at worst crippling and destructive. Fear is often expressed as worry and can be as simple as worrying that you're not good enough, what people think of you, or that you will never find happiness, or success......any of those sound familiar? 

When we think of the opposite of fear we consider courage. Plucking up the courage to confront our fears is the way to stand up to this negative emotion which can stop us achieving our goals, following our dreams or even just getting out of bed.

And courage is just that…….standing up to fear.

What if you were to go one step further and not just stand up to fear, but draw yourself towards that which you previously feared? Ah, well that would be curiosity…….and that is the opposite of fear!

What is curiosity? An emotion I think, but even that is a subject of debate. The wonderful thing about curiosity is the simple fact that it attracts you, like a magnet bringing you ever closer to your target. Curiosity is a childlike mindset of adventure that allows us the chance to embrace new ideas, new ways of thinking, it opens the door to new opportunities and ultimately to new paths to that happiness and success that we crave.

Curiosity doesn’t come without a price though. Curiosity comes with the uncertainty of not knowing what happens next, this in turn exposes our vulnerability. We’re vulnerable because we know we may fail, we may get hurt.

So, how about if we change our thinking about failing? About falling down? About getting hurt?

“Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know”

Many of us choose to stay in a painful situation rather than take action to find a better alternative, and a major reason behind this is uncertainty. “Better the devil you know….” How many people remain in a job they hate that makes them miserable? How many stay in a relationship with someone that has a similar effect?

This is fear taking over, choosing to have certainty (even if it’s unpalatable) over curiosity, or choosing knowing over learning.

But learning is essential to us as human beings, and we learn our most important and effective lessons from our personal experiences. We learn, we grow and we evolve, it’s a constant cycle that is being fed as long as we pay attention to what we are doing and the feedback we are getting from those experiences……and this allows to feel happy, and a success as a human being.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling

but in rising up every time we fall”

-  Confucius -

How often does our mindset hold us back from learning, and therefore growing and evolving, because we are scared of failing?

What would the effect be if you changed your perspective on failing? On falling down? What if you expected to fail or fall down and welcomed those experiences to learn and grow, physically, emotionally and mentally……and return as a wiser, stronger and better version of yourself. Maybe this the key to happiness and success!

It’s time to practice curiosity!

** Are you are interested in my 1:1 coaching or group coaching?

If you want to speak to me about my coaching, about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through:

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Can NLP change your life?

Can NLP change your life?

No!

The answer to the question, “Can NLP change your life?”...... is a resounding "No"!

Sorry to disappoint but NLP in itself will not change your life. It's not a magic pill, and it's not a "one size fits all" script for you to follow......

YOU HOWEVER, CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

So, what is it? And how does it work?

NLP can be a huge factor and help you in creating this change in your life. By understanding and implementing the theory, techniques and framework that form the basis of NLP, you will begin to see things differently, and deliver more positive results in the important areas of your life.

Now I want to be as concise as possible, and let’s face it NLP, and coaching, are two of the most widely covered subjects on our bookshelves and across all digital content……..the list of material is incredibly long and you could literally read forever on these topics!

Simply put, NLP is the study of communication, both with yourself and with others……and perhaps the most important of the two is your communication with yourself. When you communicate more effectively and productively with yourself, positive change occurs!

It is time to stop berating yourself, stop limiting yourself in what you think you can do…….stop focusing on what you think you can’t do!

Once you embrace the broad understanding of how you mould your own values, beliefs and thoughts throughout your life, then you can empower yourself by directing your focus and thinking to the areas that are most important to you……those that you truly want.
.... and because you understand and embrace how your mind works, you are then able to change how you think, how you feel and ultimately how you act.

“It’s your brain, you get to do what you want with it.”

~ Richard Bandler ~

This is a great quote from one of the co-founders of NLP, Richard Bandler and it epitomises what I believe NLP, and indeed coaching, is all about. It is an attitude and a methodology of knowing how to achieve your goals and get results by understanding and utilising your mind more effectively and beneficially.

Once you take responsibility for all that you think, all that you feel and all that you do, you take control of your life.

This is empowerment  

We spend huge amounts of our life learning to use and master different machines like cars, computers, phones. The question is, why don’t we spend more time understanding the greatest and most extraordinary machine known to mankind? How about we appreciate and learn to use our own minds better?

The word awesome is perhaps overused in our modern vocabulary, but we have all been given the most glorious gift……..your brain, your mind is AWESOME!

So, in conclusion, can NLP change your life? In itself, No.

Can NLP change your life by helping you to understand and nurture the power of your mind better? Absolutely, Yes it can!

** Are you are interested in my 1:1 coaching or group coaching?

If you want to speak to me about my coaching, about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through:

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How To Overcome Lack Of Focus

How To Overcome Lack Of Focus And Get Beyond The Problems It Can Create

Do you want to learn How To Overcome Lack Of Focus in your life? Read to the bottom for my free download that will teach the simple tricks to creating powerful and sustainable motivation to help you effectively create your goals and outcomes in a way that can make them far easier, more achievable and infinitely more meaningful.

Let Me Ask You!

Do you feel stuck in a rut?

Do you feel like you have no options?

Do you ever feel there must be a simple answer out there……but you just don’t know what it is?

Do you ever wonder what’s it all about?

How debilitating - not knowing answers to the most basic questions……every single day!

  “What do you want?”……..

  “What makes you happy?”……..

  “What will life be like for you when you learn how to overcome lack of focus which will help you to actually deliver what you want?

  The single most popular answer to these questions is “I don’t know”, because most of us don’t know what we are looking for. This creates a huge problem – not knowing what you want leads to procrastination, uncertainty and ultimately inaction. Now, you may think it’s not a good idea to make knee jerk decisions or go crashing into new projects without thinking them through……and you would be right! But if you are making decisions and taking action on new ideas you have a lot more chances of making a success of them than if you were doing nothing!

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear…… action breeds confidence and courage” 

~ Dale Carnegie ~

Interestingly, people do tend to know what they want, but are scared of the consequences of going after it, usually a fear of rejection or failure……or in some cases, even a fear of success! So then we have the other common trait amongst us human beings – we lie…….to ourselves and to others, to convince ourselves that we don’t know what we want!

 Clearly, if you don’t know what it is that you want, or where you want to go then it is very difficult to get there! It doesn’t matter how good your Sat Nav is, if you don’t have an address to type in it won’t guide you to your destination!

 That is why having a focus and setting goals, clearly defined goals, is so important. These goals need to be realistic, measureable, and fit in with your own life. Even when you are setting goals, it’s vital that you know what you want to achieve? Tangible, meaningful goals give us clear guidelines as to what constitutes success in the context of our goal and allows us the opportunity to measure and plan progress.

Is Your Focus Creating The Success You Want?

  Your goal may be to lose 3lbs by a certain date, or increase number of clients to X per month, or buy yourself the car you have always wanted. Those visible or material goals are great, but what will they mean to you? Are they going to increase your self-esteem, make you feel confident, make you feel happy? If that is the case - and it may well be – then how long will that last? The reality is that when they are provided by external factors like other people, cars or money, it probably won’t last long! 

  Positive and powerful emotions – such as love, confidence, security, these are the goals we desire, and they are only possible in the long run when they come from within ourselves. What feelings are you really looking for? What do you really want?! This is the basis of meaningful goals.

  If you are thinking “I don’t know” what I want, take the time to click on the link below to receive my goal setting guide that will not only help you identify what it is you really want, but also reveal the secret to delivering these meaningful goals to you so they become your reality.

Now you can benefit for a limited time only by downloading my FREE guide. Don’t miss this opportunity to click on the big red button below!

GET IT NOW

La Dolce Vita

Italian escape

  I have just returned from a family holiday in Italy……and it was a new experience for us. With our kids all leaving behind the toddler years and firmly established as schoolchildren, we were slightly more adventurous than in the past and joined school friends of our kids and their Italian family for an authentic experience of Northern Italy and La Dolce Vita, “the sweet life”.

  At the foot of the Dolomites, Arsiè (pop. 2,500) exhibits a collective contentment. As with even the smallest communities in this hospitable and picturesque country, there is a piazza, a church, a school and a football pitch. Much of your shopping is done by picking fruit and vegetables from your allotment, or a daily walk to the bakery for your bread……no sign of the Ocado delivery van here! Everyone knows everyone, and they stop to chat. As I open my window in the morning, on to the sprawling fields rolling in to the distant mountains, I notice local folk beginning their day……it’s early but they are not in a rush!

Arsiè

  Our friend’s parents live 10 minutes up the mountain, a short, slow winding drive up and away from the town. There is a consistent trickle of visitors dropping in to the old couple, and they all get the same treatment whatever the time of day. A glass of homemade wine or Prosecco, a short strong cup of Moka coffee, and food……always food on the stove ready to feed anyone within speaking distance of the kitchen. It’s clear why, as a Jewish family we have been drawn to our Italian friends. Food, drink, hospitality, the unbreakable family bond…….and lots of chat! We felt at home straight away.

  The kids build tree houses, play with sticks and homemade bow and arrows, and with acres of green space to use, run around a lot. Our friend’s 93 year old father is out every morning with his wife picking vegetables, catching up with the locals in the little piazza over a coffee and checking on their kids and their guests from London!

  And the wonderful thing about the life of this small Italian community is the natural tendency to communicate with each other. No texting or using Whatsapp to let you know what they’re up to, or checking in on social media. Just pop in, share a drink and chat face to face, talking to you, making eye contact, engaging in conversation. They do have phones, they do have internet, and they do have TV, but they value the importance of human interaction.

  We mixed up our time and also enjoyed a few days at the beach (and visiting the beautiful town of Caorle), at the lakes, visiting Venice, Padova, dropping in on a Prosecco vineyard and climbing mountains. By spending much of our time out of the big cities though, we were lucky enough to experience the individuality both of the towns and villages throughout this beautiful Italian region and within them, from building to building. Even in the building of their houses it’s so refreshing to see the freedom of expression and creativity.

Beautiful Caorle by the sea

Padova

The view from Mt Lagazuoi - 2,700m

  I don’t think this is necessarily an Italian thing. If you venture out to the rural areas in the UK you will find countless charming villages in beautiful countryside with equally friendly locals living life at a slower pace, appreciating the natural environment they live in and the benefits of personal communication with those around them.

  So, are we really so busy connecting with the whole planet via our various devices and communication channels, that we don’t have time to notice, and connect with what is right in front of our eyes? Don’t have time to look into another person’s eyes and engage in meaningful conversation?

  Find the time to appreciate what you can see, hear, touch, smell and taste right in front of you. “Virtual” is a very apt description, but do you want your experiences to be second hand, “not quite as described”, or would you rather have the real thing?

  I know I would rather have my La Dolce Vita.

** If you want to speak to me about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or Instagram.

Forget the football, it's much bigger than that.

  It’s not just about football, Gareth Southgate and the England team have grown over the last few weeks into national heroes. For some, they started the tournament as “average Premiership footballers” (if that’s possible!) unknown even to many football fans. Now they are being offered up role models, restoring national pride and inspiring a generation. So what has changed?

  Years of “superstars” and the “golden generation” of Rooney, Gerrard and Lampard have been replaced with a more balanced squad. Replace celebrity, cliques and expectation with expression, equality and freedom, and the emergence of new icons like Pickford, Trippier and the superhero Harry Maguire have a refreshing openness and almost innocence to them.  

  A new style of leadership has been the catalyst for this transformation, and Gareth Southgate has rightly been lauded from all directions for the role he has played. His desire to build trust and relationships within the squad, to cut through any differences and emphasise the common purpose to form a truly united team has been all important in this transition.

  So, how does this translate to the rest of us?......because let’s face it a huge majority have been captivated and enchanted by this team in these last few weeks. The truth is, the “Gareth Southgate” style leadership is one that can be successful in all areas of life – business, schools, family.

  It’s not just in sport or business that we have leaders, we can all learn lessons, we can all benefit from forward thinking, being open minded and honest with those around us. Now more than ever, there is a need for inspirational leaders throughout the country, CEOs, line managers, school teachers, mums, dads, students……everyone can be a truly inspiring leader to those around them. Maybe there is a legacy from this World Cup that could go way beyond football. How much can we achieve if we learn from this experience and adopt a little of the Three Lions 2018 mentality?   

  If you are interested in how your company can benefit from a new style of leadership please contact me via my contacts page or on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. 

Apparently, Monday 15th January is going to be awful!

Does “Blue Monday” actually exist?.....if you believe it!

  The concept of a date in the calendar being marked down as the most depressing day of the year is understandably frowned upon by many involved in mental health. There may be no substance in the “mathematical formula” used to arrive at Blue Monday but we will still see it across multiple media channels over the next week or so.                                                              How about we just stick two fingers up to Blue Monday?!

  I won’t delve into the arguments for and against Blue Monday itself, but it does highlight an important issue at this time of year. Even if you have had a wonderful festive season, January can bring you back down to earth very quickly!

  Christmas and New Year can be a very tough time for many people. We are bombarded with idyllic festive images of happy families, strong friendships, love all around us, bright new beginnings, and "Happy New Years" everywhere.  For many this isn’t their reality.

  Have you had a difficult time over Christmas? Was your new year unhappy? Are you simply filled with dread and fear at the thought of the whole year stretched out in front of you?                       It doesn’t have to be that way…….now is the time to reach out.

** If you are having a tough time at the moment, or you want to speak to me about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page, call me or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

Festive cheer - 2017

Seasons greetings to everyone at this special time of year.

I hope you enjoy the festive season spending time with family, friends and loved ones. While enjoying the celebrations it is also important to spare a thought for those who are perhaps not having such a happy time. If you can find a way to spread a little cheer, put a smile on someone's face you will have played a part in making the world a happier, and a better, place. See if you can do that.

Eat, drink and be merry........and put those phones down!!

Happy holidays!

Dan

"I don't know what I want".........

When asking my clients questions, the most common answer is “I don’t know”.

  “What do you really want?”……..

  “What makes you happy?”……..

  There are many questions, but the single most popular answer is “I don’t know”, because most of us don’t really know what it is we are looking for. We realise something is missing, something is not quite right, but we don’t know quite what it is! If you don’t know what it is that you want, or where you want to go then it is by definition, very difficult to get there! It doesn’t matter how good your Sat Nav is, if you don’t have an address to type in it won’t guide you to your destination!

 That is why goals, and clearly defined goals, are so important, and I will regularly encourage my clients to set themselves realistic, measureable goals that fit in with their own life. But even when we are setting goals, do we know what we want to achieve? Tangible, meaningful goals give us clear guidelines as to what constitutes success in the context of our goal and allows us the opportunity to measure and plan progress.

  Your goal may be to lose 3lbs by a certain date, or increase number of clients to X per month, or buy yourself the car you have always wanted. Those visible or material goals are great, but what will they mean to you? Are they going to increase your self-esteem, make you feel confident, make you feel happy? If that is the case - and it may well be – then how long will that last? The reality is that it when they are provided by external factors like other people, cars or money, it probably won’t last long!

  These positive emotions – such as love, confidence, security these are the goals we desire, and they are only possible in the long run when they come from within ourselves. What feelings are you really looking for? Identify with what goes on inside you when you feel these positive emotions, you will have experienced them many times in your life, notice HOW you do them…….and practice them!

  If you are thinking “I don’t know” what I want, take the time to remember what feels good to you. We have these resources within us, identify with the feelings, understand how you get there, and keep doing it…….because the more you practice the good feelings, the better you become at them. And that is what we want, to feel good.

  The best things in life, are not things, they are good feelings.

  Have a great day, and a wonderful weekend.

** If you want to speak to me about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

Mental health.......prevention better than cure

Prince Harry, Actor Ryan Reynolds, Singers Lady Gaga & Demi Lovato, footballer Aaron Lennon.......2017 has seen mental health issues highlighted by a number of celebrities, bringing to the attention of the general public a problem that has been overlooked for far too long here in the UK.

According to a recent independent Government review (“Thriving at Work”) 300,000 people with long-term mental health problems lose their jobs every year. ”The cost of poor mental health to the UK Government is between £24 billion and £27 billion. This includes costs in providing benefits, falls in tax revenue and costs to the NHS.”

Meanwhile, the “annual cost to employers in the UK is between £33 billion and £42 billion (with over half of the cost coming from “presenteeism” – when individuals are less productive due to poor mental health in work) with additional costs from sickness absence and staff turnover.”

It’s not all bad news as the report indicated that many companies throughout the UK were found to be developing good practices. But, why are these good practices the exception rather than the rule? Why have we in the UK (and we like to think of ourselves as a leading nation) been so slow to understand and prioritise the importance of improving mental health at work?

Much like physical health, preventing mental illness rather than curing it is both cheaper and more effective. The first step is removing the stigma of working with our mental health. It wasn’t so long ago that the idea of going to the gym or yoga classes was alien to a large section of the population, yet now we all understand the benefits (even if we don’t practice them!) of regular exercise in some form. It's time we felt more comfortable talking openly about our anxieties, bouts of depression or the fact that we visit a therapist or coach? It’s only when we view a meeting with a mental health expert as a positive thing that we can truly say attitudes are shifting. By offering employees the opportunity to see a specialist before problems occur, understand their true worth and discover their true potential, the benefits will be profound, both emotionally to the individual and financially to the organisation. 

From an emotional perspective the human cost of poor mental health is huge, with knock on effects beyond the individual involved, to family, friends and society as a whole. If employers are unable to appreciate the importance from the emotional language then this report highlights in words they will understand. Employers are losing billions of pounds because employees are less productive, less effective, or off sick…….between £33 billion and £42 billion!

The report goes on to suggest a framework of actions, “Mental health core standards” that organisations should follow to achieve positive results in the workplace in a short space of time. These procedures include developing mental health awareness among employees and encouraging open conversations and support when employees are struggling. Promoting healthy work-life balance, opportunities for development and effective people management through the hierarchy and monitoring employee mental health and wellbeing.

These steps are really just a start and I would argue a bare minimum, but the fact that the subject of mental health has been thrust in to the spotlight is encouraging, and one would hope that more and more organisations will begin to take it more seriously and invest in their people. With reports suggesting that every pound spent on the mental health of employees can return up to 10 times in productivity, that is a pretty sound investment!

It's time for every company, however big or small, to analyse what they are doing to promote positive mental health in their organisation. If there is nobody in place who is able to offer this support, there may be a cost in bringing someone in to create a resourceful focus for their employees......but as we have heard before, that cost may well be the best money your company ever invests!

** If you want to speak to me about mental health for you individually, or in your company, please contact me via the form on my contacts page or through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

A Special October Offer to make you smile!

  "What is it exactly that you do Dan?"......a question that I am often asked!

  The answer is different all the time - my work is different for everyone and my challenge is to understand the requirements of each person, whatever age, gender, background or life story. When you sit down with me you may have an idea of why you have come, but there is so much more that you can achieve with me than that for which you came! 

  Find out how I can help you make positive change in your life, contact me here on my website, Twitter, LinkedIn or my Facebook page and book a consultation with me......we can do this via phone or Skype if you prefer.

  Throughout the month of October there is NO CHARGE for your first consultation.

  Take a leap of faith.......and find out what I can do for you!

   Have a great day!

Floating on a cloud

I was sat next to my 8 year old daughter on our 10 hour flight to Mexico.

As we climbed above the London cloud I felt that wonderful feeling as we left London behind, and all that goes with our daily/weekly routine of work, school, running a business, running the house.....making decisions!

There is something special about the few hours between waving your bags off at check in, and arriving at your destination. The knowledge that you have assembled all your necessary (and a number of unnecessary!) belongings for your trip, tied up your loose ends at home, successfully transported both your luggage and all your family to the airport.........and now you just have your partner and the little people to be responsible for, and the few items (if only!) of hand luggage!

There's some sense of perfection about having your whole holiday in front of you. It's complete, untainted, like an unwrapped present. The anticipation of what lies ahead, the satisfaction of what you've left behind.......ah, those magical few hours!

As we jetted up above the London skyline and headed for the clouds in search of a glimpse of elusive English sunshine, my daughter gazed out of the window. 

"I can just imagine myself sitting there Daddy, floating on those clouds.......they look so white and fluffy?"

We've all had those thoughts at some time in our life, whether old or young, as we gaze outside an airplane window and imagine floating on a white fluffy cloud, but there's something a little bit magical about sharing that vision with your daughter (or son, or grandchildren).

I felt an emphatic deep sigh of contentment.........this was holiday. Sharing a whimsical moment, transported to an imaginary place high above the "real" world below with my daughter.......albeit in the confines of a 747 heading to Cancun. It was though, just me and her, a quiet little private trip to a fantasy world. At this stage in my life this is what holiday is about, sharing special moments with loved ones. The phones were off, the in flight entertainment not yet begun, and the devices were in the overhead compartments. Just the two of us, chatting.

Now, don't think for a minute that was the story of my whole two week holiday.......I can imagine all you parents reading this scoffing (or enthusiastically mocking.....or worse!). It did however, reinforce my desire to leave regular life at home and enjoy a genuine holiday away with my family.

I had my laptop with me and intended on working at some point, writing some material, doing research, a little bit of study.

As I floated on the cloud with my daughter however, I made my decision to dismiss any idea of work. I took my own advice and left business at home and looked ahead to an extremely rare two weeks of family time.

Fortunately, our corner of Mexico had very poor phone coverage unless you wanted to pay daily fees so it wasn't difficult to cut myself off from phone calls, texts, whatsapp messages and emails.

My advice to you if you still have holiday time left? Switch the phone off.....I don't mean, put it away, or turn it to silent. Turn it from "on" to "off", or switch airplane mode on! Just try it, for 24 hours.

It may not be that your checking in on work, but you will be emailing, texting, even sending whatsapp messages to your group of mates at home. 

Holidays are about getting out of your routine, doing things differently. Even your social life takes it's toll on you. Get off Facebook, your friends don't need to know your every move, every meal you have while on holiday! Try a little mindfulness......live in your moment.......relaaaaaax!

It will do wonders for your piece of mind......and, ultimately for your business too!

Have a great holiday!!

p.s. I'm home now!

** If you want to speak to me about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

Fear........how much do we want?

  Have you sold your tickets to a concert or decided against going to a sporting event that attracts a large crowd?

  Have you cancelled a restaurant booking in your town centre over the last few weeks?

  In light of the recent shocking events I wanted to look at the effect of these acts of terror on the population in general and how we can deal with this new fear in our lives.

  It's worth remembering that fear is a good thing, fear moves you away from things that are bad for you.......it has an important role to play in our lives in helping to protect us and stay safe.

  Feeling safe is a basic human need and whatever the dangers of the place where we live, we adjust and take sensible precautions.

  So, when recent events such as those in Manchester and London occur, it is natural that we respond in some way to protect ourselves. What is not beneficial to us however, is reliving bad things over and over again and allowing fear to creep in to our thinking for lengthy periods of time or at inappropriate times. If doing something makes you have fear, doing it over and over again will only reinforce that fear. This is where the media has an influence.......violence, unrest and the threat of disaster creates more news than contented people living their daily life. Therefore we are bombarded with pictures and analysis of these incidents over and over again. And the more we see it, the more we think it…..and the more we think it, the more we worry about what may be next.

  The original incident is real, but the fear translates that incident in to what could happen next......TO US. Our thoughts do the rest and can magnify the real incident in to something that isn't real, hasn't happened and makes us even more scared than the real thing.

  One thing you shouldn't be afraid of is your own thoughts, these are your choice and you wouldn't want to scare yourself, would you?

  When you think things that scare you, it's important to think differently. If you change the way you think, you change the way you feel, and that will change what you do. When I work with clients' fears I will go through a number of different visualisation techniques that alter the images we create in our imagination, as these images are the triggers for the behaviour we exhibit, whether fear or anxiety.

  If we have more pleasing images in our mind, then we will create better feelings within us. A simple reframing can be just as effective though, by changing the perspective of our thoughts, we can dramatically alter their effect. For instance, if we consider the recent shocking and tragic terrorist attacks here in the UK, it is easy to let the fear take over and prevent us from going to a concert again, or maybe going out to public restaurants in town.......or going in to town at all.......or maybe even going out ANYWHERE!

  It's very easy for our fears to escalate that quickly and soon enough we are scared to go out anywhere! This is the same train of thought that prevents many people from boarding a plane when in fact it's one of the safest methods of travel. You have more than twice as much chance of winning the lottery jackpot than being killed in a plane crash (1 in 14 million as opposed to 1 in 30 million!) yet how many people won't board an airplane?!

  At a time of heightened security.....and general awareness, it was probably the safest time of all to be going in to London. How many people made the decision to avoid it though?

  If your child is scared of dogs, you tell them to stand still rather than run away and encourage a dog to chase them. Running away from our fears, whatever they may be, will not make them better, it will only encourage them.

  So, perhaps now is the time to concentrate on the good things in your life, focus on the thoughts that create positive emotions in you. We live in a world in which the huge majority are like-minded people who want to live in peace and harmony, even though it often feels like we are bombarded with negative messages and negative images through a variety of media channels. Have faith in your fellow human beings. Confront that fear, and reject it for something far more beneficial and enriching………..for love, for harmony, for happiness.

** If you want to speak to me about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

Stop and pick a flower

  I love kids!..........Good job because I have 3 of my own!

  I love kids because they still have that innocence, uncluttered by social etiquette and pressure - free to be whoever they want to be……and usually say whatever they want to say!

  We can learn a lot from them...…….I learned a valuable lesson from my 4 year old daughter (soon to be 5!) last week as we were walking through a typically busy North London high street as a family - Mum, Dad, 3 kids. We were in usual family mode, short on time and rushing ever so slightly!

  I felt my youngest daughter’s hand leave mine, while my older one continued to drag me down the street. Looking back to check where my 4 year old had gone (and attempting to maintain my parental responsibility) I noticed she had stopped to bend down at the roadside, and found a lone yellow flower standing defiantly……which she proceeded to pluck out of the ground!

  Now, I am not advocating widespread pilfering of our communal flowers that do so much to brighten up our city streets, but noticing the beauty around us, even in the familiarity of our daily surroundings, is such a wonderful, empowering trait. She ran up to me with this flower as if she had discovered the most incredible thing in the world, “Daddy, look at the beautiful flower I found…..it’s for you”.

  My natural instinct to reprimand her for separating from the pack was instantly softened by the joy on her face at the discovery of this simple little weed. Irrespective of the hustle and bustle around her (especially her family), never mind the cars rumbling past and the presence of concrete instead of greenery, she noticed and appreciated, the beauty of a flower blooming in spring. This little girl literally skips through life with a spring in her step, singing to herself.......and that buoyant effervescence is contagious.

  In NLP we pay great attention to focusing on positive aspects of our lives rather than the common tendency to focus on negatives. We could all learn a lesson from my 4 year old and appreciate the simple pleasures that are all around us and bring a smile to our faces. At this time of year it may be the flowers appearing in spring bloom, it may be the morning birdsong, perhaps that first slightly warmer day when the sun is shining and you don’t need a scarf……maybe it’s your family and friends that you take for granted will always be there. Whatever it is, there is always something available to us that can lift our spirits, ease our stress and make our lives that little bit more pleasurable, so why not enjoy those things?!

  So, as spring appears to have sprung, and we edge closer to the clocks moving forward and the longer brighter days of summer being upon us, why not take a rest from complaining about the traffic, the weather, or your kids’ tantrums and take the opportunity to look around you and appreciate the good stuff you normally miss. You may be surprised how good you feel......and how good you may make others feel!

  …...…better still, take a leaf out of Lola’s book, stop your routine and pick a flower!

p.s. Happy Birthday Lola x

** If you want to speak to me about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

What pushes your buttons?

  I think we can all agree we are affected by stress in some form and to some degree. Stress it seems is an inevitable consequence of living in 2017……at least in the highly competitive environment of London and the UK in general anyway.

  Paradoxically, we all know what it feels like to be stressed, but it’s not so easy to identify exactly what it means……perhaps that’s because it means something different to each person.

  What would you class as more stressful? Risking your own money as a city trader in the financial markets on a daily basis, or organising 3 primary school kids through dinner time, bath time and bed time on a daily basis?! In my own experience I have raised my voice in anger a lot more doing the latter!

  We all experience stress differently in different situations, so something that doesn’t bother you at all might cause someone else a lot of stress, emotionally or physically. Successful partnerships, whether domestically or in business, may be able to split the workload to enable one party to entirely avoid certain negative triggers that can cause them stress.

  The point is stress is different for everyone, and it is important to understand yourself and identify what “pushes your buttons”. If you can do that, you can take action to minimise the effect of these triggers. We can't control external factors, but we can control our response to them.

  Many parents this week are being reminded that a day in the office may well be a lot less stressful than a day looking after the kids in half term! For some, organising their accounts is high on the list of pain, while others find it easy and possibly even therapeutic. For some pressure is welcomed as a normal part of life and can actually be useful in driving you to confront challenges, take positive action, feel more energised and achieve positive results.

  Avoiding or ignoring these triggers may not be the best way of dealing with the problem, and effective stress management would be more beneficial to the individual in the long run.

What pushes your buttons and stresses you out?

….......and what pushes you on and drives you forward to achieve positive results?

** If you want to speak to me about managing stress or any other subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

New Year.......and it's FREE!

Happy New Year!

I hope 2017 has started brightly for you and the new year has brought a spring to your step.

It's not so easy for everyone though, January can be a tough time and putting all those good intentions into practice can weigh very heavily on all of us.

With that in mind, I would like to offer free consultations to anyone who would like to contact me through my website or PM me through my FB page during January. Whether it's business, personal or you just can't put your finger on it.......get in touch! 

As Martin Luther King suggested.....Take that first step, even if you can't see the staircase.

I look forward to hearing from you

Dan

Seasons Greetings

  It's that wonderful time of year when the feelgood factor is in the air, party season is in full swing for many and our thoughts are well and truly focused on Christmas and all that it brings.

  For many that means time spent away from the office or work, relaxing with family and loved ones and maybe even getting away from it all if you're lucky enough to be jetting off somewhere!

  But that isn't always the case and for some less fortunate, the holiday season is merely a reminder of what they don't have. Can you find the time to help someone out? .......whether it be a friend in need of some festive cheer, donating to your favourite charities, or perhaps donating an even more valuable commodity, your time, to bring some relief to those in need.......this is a time of year when it is appreciated more than ever.

  With that in mind, I am continuing to work over the holiday season, and for anyone wanting to make an appointment please contact me via this site, email, or directly on 07956 579394 and I will always find the time to see you. 

  Whatever position you find yourself in, look back on 2016 and see all the positives that you have enjoyed and achieved.........there are always some! More importantly, you can then look ahead to enjoying the festive season in your own way, and plan for a 2017 in which you can build on the best bits of last year.......and improve on the worst bits.

  Wishing you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah or whatever else you may be celebrating!

  Have a great week 

  Dan

** If you want to speak to me about subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.